Camwhoring. Retardation vs Emo and Cute

So you wanna be a camwhore but first you'll need to choose the type of camwhore you wanna be. The common types are Emo and Cute. The least chosen one would be the Retardation type. It is the least chosen because not many can adapt themselves to such fine art.
I will present to you a few examples of each type and then later on you decide which type suits you best.

This is a standard camwhore post. A bit of side profile. Camera position either above or below the head. It brings bad luck if the camera is positioned parallel to your head. Facial expression should be minimal.

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EMO
Look away from the camera because it made you realize how useless you are. Think about your favorite goldfish that got eaten by sister's/brother's mongrel.
Let's make it more emo by turning your picture into a goth one.

Why be emo? Makes you look 'deep', complicated, and sympathetic. This is of course the artificial emo where is it believed that by being so you are mysterious and mysteriousness draws attention. In my opinion, about 90% of emo kids have perfect lives. Artificial emo rules.

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CUTE
Open your eyes to imitate your favorite anime characters. The bigger the better. While posing like that you will have to bear with the discomfort of your eyes drying up. It is normal if you feel like your eyes are going to pop out. However, do not pose too long because you are straining your eye muscles and might cause serious brain damage like brain hemorrhage.


Puff up your face like there's puke inside your mouth but you're too embarrassed to throw it out so you keep it inside. So cute.

Another cute pose that compliments the puke-in-the-mouth really well is the punch-yourself-for-being-a-dumbfuck pose. Double the cuteness.

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RETARDATION
Being clean is cool so show the world that your nostrils are clean. Show the world some proof! Multitasking is also cool. While picking your nose, do a thinking pose.


Everyone's a dickhead or a pussyface. So, admitting that you are one is cool. Place a wooden penis-shaped keychain in front of your face to portray the message clearly to the world.

Why spend so much money on drugs to get high? All you need to do is scratch your ass and...

...sniff your fingers?

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Credits go to: Myself for accepting to model for me. My Sony Ericsson phone. The wooden penis-shaped keychain from somewhere (My sister got it for me. She thinks I'm gay).

Women and Wheels

God made women beautiful. He even made them strong to give birth so that guys can sit back and relax. We love almost every aspect of their traits. All but their ability to ride motorcycles or drive cars. Before you start calling me a sexist, give thought to what I'm about to say.
Let's start off with the most recent event that has just happened. My sister, Alicia, was involved in a very minor car accident. Someone knocked on the back the car she was driving, which was my mom's Honda City, and she hastily said it was totally not her fault. Wrong.
If she was being attentive to her surroundings she could have avoided the accident by simply moving forward or swerving to left/right. Observing the damage on the car, she wasn't hit directly in the middle. It was more towards the side of the car. I'm assuming that she was a bit ahead of the car and that idiotic lesen-kopi-jilat-pantat driver was trying to move to her lane but overestimated her driving skill. I bet my sister was looking at the rear view mirror but not to look out for traffic. She was styling her hair or putting mascara on her eyelashes or whichever 143,534,623 things that you girls do to your hair and faces.
I have a friend who was almost involved in a fatal accident. He was doing 140kmph on the long stretch to Pulau Gadong and suddenly a car came out from a small junction and into my friend's path. He jammed his brakes but the distance between him and that car was too short for his car to come to a full stop. The driver of the other car was so frightened that he/she stopped his/her car in the middle of the road which was not a good thing for my friend because he had too little space to go either way (left or right) through. How did he avoid that could-have-been-fatal accident? He swerved to the left side and went off the road and was inches away from entering the paddy field to avoid that car. He got back onto the road and pointed the middle finger at the still-stunned driver. But what if it was my sister or any other woman for that matter? Gary would probably say "99.63% fatal accident".
Women are simply not meant to drive or ride motorcycles. They're not attentive to their surroundings when they're driving. Those that drive think that the body of their cars are made out of solid titanium which allows them to drive like how they do or car insurances can cover for everything and have limitless insurance claims, and those that ride motorcycles think that their motorcycles are going as slow as bicycles.
Ladies, please don't be mad at me because of this post alone. There will be more to come =D
If you so gracefully accept the fact that lipsticks and wheels don't go together, then I sincerely salute you. Think about it... wouldn't it be nice if a guy picks you up? Furthermore, your chances of living triples compared to you driving and endangering others as well.

Hahahahaha! You can call me a sexist now =D

LMFO: Julian

I'm going to start a mini project on belittling my close friends. I call it The "Let's Make Fun Of:" Project. I wisely handpick my victims. So if you're chosen, you should be proud.
To start off this project, our lucky number one would be Julian. Let's start bashing...

Full name: Julian Chow Meng Hoe
With no disrespect to his parents or the people responsible for naming him, Julian's Chinese name can really depict him as an 'ah beng'. Even if you're not Chinese, just saying out "Ah Hoe" makes you 34.3% Chinese. Shouting his Chinese name would also make you sound more pissed than you already are. Example, if you're pissed with him and you shout "Julian!" or "Julian Chow (ending with 'hai', 'cipet', 'niama', or 'chow dog')!" it would make you an angry person but if you shout "Julian Chow Meng! Hoe!" it would make you sound like a person about to unleash an uncontrollable rage. Very much like a drunk 'ah beng' who just found out that someone, involved in an illegal badminton challenge, played for his girlfriend and then "played" her.
Let's head on to Julian's appearance. I want you to read what I'm about to say first then only scroll down to see the picture to keep the fun's intensity! What I want you to do is take a quick look at the picture and then look away. Ask yourself what was the most obvious thing.
Scroll down and look...














Was it his I-am-going-to-break-your-car-to-half face? No. Was it his muscular body which he so vainly display? No.
Yes, we all would have to agree that those twins staring at us were the most obvious. Looks like they were being aroused by really cold iced tea which was indeed a tragedy.

Conversation over breakfast

Pai Kut!

I met up with Styne for breakfast at a dim sum restaurant near my house. The picture of the pai kut is for Joanne as a sign of gratitude for suggesting dim sum for breakfast.
How on earth did we wake up so early? I stayed up the whole night and Styne had class at 8am. That's how.
After burning my mouth with hot hot lo mai gai, Styne and I started yapping away. What we yapped about? This:
Please don't ask me what it is or what happened. If you know, please spare our poor friend by keeping it to yourself. He's lost so much, including his neck.
You may laugh about it but what if you were in his shoes? How would you feel? I drew that picture with a lot of guilt and also a lot of tears from laughing.
Actually, I have more to say but I'm really sleepy. It's already 9.45am and I should really sleep soon. I'll continue later when I wake up.

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Styne's childhood nightmare

Pot-Bellied Pig

"Ain't she a beauty?!"

in memory of Steve Irwin

I've found the perfect pet for me. It resembles everything that I am. Just look at it. It's fat, ugly, and lazy. If I don't bathe for a few days I'll smell like it too.

Late last night I was chatting with Joanne and I presented to her my freshly made blog. She told me she enjoys reading blogs which shows how nosy she is. Huhu. She also said she actually enjoys reading Xiaxue's blog. That got me to thinking. I've heard of her but never bothered to find out. So I visited her blog and was expecting a really pretty girl with a bitchy attitude. Bare in mind that this is not a hate post. I don't hate someone for no rhyme of reason unless that someone does things to me to hurt my feelings. I'm expressing my disappointment. She's so famous that her blog gets like 20k hits per day and I expected her to be some hot chick. Her posts aren't that interesting either. It's the same old shit that amazingly still draws attention; talks of racism, bitch about a particular stuff like it'll cause the world to end, countless pictures of yourself trying to seduce the camera, having bitch-fits whenever confronted with criticism, etc. Indeed she is bitchy especially towards criticisms but she is not pretty. She's one of those unfortunate girls that their faces remind me of pigs. You don't think so? That's because it is inevident under so much makeup which I give her credit for. If she runs out of foundation or cover-up, clay is a good substitute. It's free too! The drawbacks of using clay? It probably stinks and your skin will suffocate. Nothing cheap is good; Nothing good is cheap.
I'd like to thank Xiaxue. If it wasn't for her wouldn't have found the Pot-Bellied Pig which is so cute.

If blogging is stupid then why are you blogging?

I know you'll go "Wow! Nic actually started a blog. This will probably be his first and last post." You may be right but fuck you for being a nonbeliever.
Almost all of my friends have their own blogs and I think the whole idea of blogging is stupid. Not that my friends post stupid stuff (or do they?). They should share their thoughts when we meet up for our casual gatherings instead of 'blogging' them. If we all do that, poor Gary wouldn't always be our main source of entertainment. So, why am I blogging or why did I even bother creating an account on www2.blogger.com (Why couldn't it just be www.blogger.com instead of www2.blogger.com? I guess with the number 2 in it makes it look more high-tech and up-to-date. For an example, if you were given two files to download, which one would you most likely download; PornDialerCheapRatesNoBluff.exe or PornDialerCheapRatesNoBluff v2.exe? The latter, of course. That way, you'd be able to chat with the more recently added young pornstars instead of grannies in their panties.)? It's because of who I am. If it's stupid, I'd take it on. I'm not being hypocritical, fucker. Shouldn't you be glad I started blogging because of you instead of calling me a hypocrite? I want to do what you do. Get involved with what you do so that we'll share more things in common. The things I do to keep our friendship alive and fresh surpass your expectations on me.

Noticed I asked a lot of questions and answering them? I like talking to myself. Haha